You Don’t Have To Be Afraid Of Being Single

Understanding your fear is the first step to overcoming it.

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Ayo Ogunseinde on Unsplash

Do you ever find yourself feeling afraid of being single?

You know, dreaming about not being lonely, having an incredible partner, and spending the rest of your life with someone you love.

But no matter how hard you try to conquer your fear, the prospect of being alone keeps you awake at night & makes you wonder if you’ll remain single until the day you die.

Right? The fear of being lonely is something that most of us have experienced at some stage of our lives. However, we rarely take a moment to think about the reasons behind our fear and the steps necessary to overcome it.

We think, “I’ll be happy if I can have someone by my side… find someone to love, or be in a relationship.” But sooner or later, you realize that each relationship is merely filling an emotional void that temporarily prevents you from facing your insecurities.

I’ve discovered that the first step to overcoming fear is looking within yourself and understanding why it exists in the first place. In the words of Marcus Aurelius:

“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

So below are several ways to overcome your fear of being single. Each one of them helped me to understand the psychology behind my fear so I could focus on creating a happier future. I hope they do the same for you, too.

Seneca once said, “if one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favorable.” When you gain clarity on why you want a relationship, it becomes much easier to find a partner that aligns with your vision of the future.

For example, if you want to get married, it’s pointless trying to be in a relationship with someone who’s only interested in hooking up for casual sex (and nothing more).

So instead of wandering through relationships with no direction, understanding why you want a partner will make it easier to recognize “the one” when they enter your life.

Earlier this year, I was in a relationship with an amazing girl, thinking that we’d be in a relationship for the rest of our lives. Despite knowing that she had a history of cheating on her previous partners, I assumed that it wouldn’t happen to me.

I was wrong.

Since that moment, I’ve learned that we had differentiating motives for being in a relationship. So whenever I find myself about to enter a relationship, I always check that our motives align to ensure that we have each other’s best interests at heart.

When you understand why you want to be in a relationship, it gives you a sense of mental clarity that prevents you from loving someone who won’t benefit your future.

Insecurities are one of the primary reasons behind people’s fear of being single. After all, you’re often afraid that people will judge you for the imperfections that you see in yourself.

For example, I always used to believe that people wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with me as I continually judged myself for each of my flaws. Whether it was my height, voice, or anything else, the feeling of not being good enough was always present in my thoughts.

But I’ve discovered that when you take a moment to understand why your insecurities exist, it becomes a lot easier to stop letting the fear of judgment control your mind. As Marcus Aurelius once said:

“We all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinions than our own.”

So whenever you feel like you’re not good enough to be in a relationship, write down every single one of your insecurities, which are diminishing your levels of self-worth.

Although it may be an uncomfortable exercise, releasing negative thoughts from your head will enable you to stop them from affecting your mind in the future.

When you’re continually thinking about being in a relationship, it’s easy to dream about finding your ideal partner, and living happily ever after for the rest of your lives.

However, I’ve discovered that when you’re grateful for the present moment, the feeling of desire to be in a relationship, and your fear of being single completely disappears. Epicurus said it best:

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”

Consider taking a few moments to think about the opportunities you currently have & letting go of any circumstances outside of your control.

Because if you’re continually thinking about the past, you’re not looking forward to the future, and creating the actions necessary to find your ideal partner. In the words of Seneca:

“True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future.”

Remember: Understanding your fear of being single is the first step to overcoming it.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store