Why Is It So Hard To Talk About Sex?

You shouldn’t have to feel embarrassed.

Photo by Reproductive Health Supplies Coalition on Unsplash

Do you feel uncomfortable when people talk about sex during a conversation?

If you’re anything like my former-self, your response will be something along the lines of “all the time.”

After all, it’s an important topic that’s a part of everyday life. But for one reason or another, we refuse to talk about it with our inner circle.

Right? The last thing you want is an awkward conversation with your partner about a lack of intimacy or your parents knowing the exact details of what you get up to in the bedroom.

Throughout my life, I’ve found myself in the same position as you many times. But I’ve discovered that that talking more openly about sex is the best way to remove the stigma so you can become more intimate in your relationship. In the words of Linda Lambert:

“One good conversation can shift the direction of change forever.”

So below are several reasons why we find it difficult to talk about our sexuality. Each one of them helped me to eliminate my fear of discussing sex, and I hope they do the same for you, too.

We Have A Lack Of Sex Education.

When I was growing up, sex was something that was rarely talked about in high school. Despite being forced to learn the names of sexual organs in preparation for an exam, we never discussed anything that would be genuinely beneficial in our lives.

I assume that my school didn’t want to offend anyone with extremely religious or conservative views about the topic. And don’t get me wrong: I’m empathetic to the fact that many parents want their children to follow the same beliefs of their family.

But as a society, we need to recognize that a lack of sexual education is a ticking time bomb for STDs, unplanned pregnancies, and other things that could easily be prevented. Quoting an article published by the BBC:

“Children and young people have repeatedly told us that the SRE (sex education) they receive under the current system is failing to prepare them adequately for adult life or to understand their bodies, sexual health, or respectful relationships.”

So instead of approaching the topic from a biological perspective, we need to prioritize the signs of emotional abuse, risks of not using contraception, and other information that’s vital for people to know.

Because when we focus on the importance of sex education, more people will inevitably feel prepared to deal with any problems that they may encounter in their future relationships.

We Don’t Want To Be Terrible In Bed.

Every single one of us likes to think that we’re amazing in bed, and can bring our partner to orgasm at a moments notice. So understandably, it’s easy to feel uncomfortable whenever our partner isn’t happy with the way we’re performing.

For example, I was extremely nervous during the first few times that I had sex. Like many people, I was unsure what I was supposed to do, say, or think during what was supposed to be a beautiful moment of intimacy.

I let the stigma get to my head as it plunged my thoughts into an abyss of uncertainty from which it was difficult to escape. So I wasn’t able to communicate effectively with my partner due to a fear of talking about sex.

Over the years, I’ve since learned that being honest about your emotions is the best way to maintain a healthy level of intimacy with your partner. Because when you’re both willing to openly communicate your desires and not judge each other, every aspect of your sex life will exponentially improve.

We often don’t want to talk about sex with our sexual partner as we don’t want to seem terrible in bed. But intimacy, by definition, is an unbreakable level of passion that enables you to communicate with honesty.

So talking about sex with your partner is undoubtedly the best way to improve your sex life and remove any negative feelings of embarrassment in the bedroom.

We’re Afraid Of Coming Across As Awkward.

One of the primary reasons for feeling awkward is a fear of rejection from our partner in the bedroom. For example, you may feel uncomfortable if your partner is pressuring you into having unprotected sex. Still, you don’t want to cause any arguments within your relationship.

But I’ve discovered that incredible sex only happens when your mutual sexual desires are fulfilled. So if you’re not willing to discuss what will make you feel comfortable, it’s probable that the sex will be mediocre at best.

Take a moment to discuss your dislikes in the bedroom, and what you can do to make it a lot more enjoyable for each other. Because when you can openly communicate with your partner, without fear of rejection, you’ll notice that any feelings of awkwardness quickly fade away. In the words of Jane Green:

“I think the greatest gifts we can give each other in a relationship are the gifts of kindness and communication.”

So every day, ask yourself: “What actions can I take right now to communicate more openly with my partner?”

That’s all you need to do.

I write for people who want to live a happier life in the modern world. Let’s chat: Mattlillywhitemedium@gmail.com

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store