The Golden Rules Of Love That Everyone Knows, But Only A Few Follow
Do you ever wonder how you can improve your relationship?
If you’re anything like most people, your response will be something along the lines of “all the time.”
Right? Every single one of us wants to feel loved by our partner. But for one reason or another, you know there’s room for improvement & that something needs to change.
Over the years, I’ve found myself in the same position as you many times. But I’ve discovered that one of the best ways to improve your relationship is by making an effort to understand each other’s opinions during a conversation. In the words of Seneca:
“One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood.”
So below are a collection of principles that will help you to improve the quality of your relationship significantly. Each one of these points helped me to become emotionally intelligent & prevent loads of arguments with my partner. I’m sure they will do the same for you, too.
Recognize That It’s Okay To Have Different Opinions.
I’ve discovered that listening to your partner’s opinion is a great way to understand how they arrived at a specific conclusion. After all, if you genuinely understand where they’re coming from, it makes it much easier to find common ground during an argument.
Epictetus once said, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” So now that I take the time to listen to other people’s opinions, I’m getting into fewer arguments as I’m not misunderstanding what the other person is saying.
You don’t need to agree with everything that your partner says during a conversation. After all, we all have different circumstances that help us to form individual opinions about the world.
But if you want to have fewer arguments with your spouse, recognizing that it’s okay to have different opinions is a great place to start.
Because when you focus on finding what unites you, instead of the subjects that divide you, it’s easier to spend your time as a couple focusing on the things that genuinely matter.
Focus On The Events Within Your Control.
One of the biggest mistakes I used to make in my relationships was focusing on things that I couldn’t control. For example, I’d often spend hours trying to figure out the rationale behind someone’s negative actions.
But I’ve recently started letting go of external events, and instead, focusing solely on my reaction to them. Because if I cannot choose what happens to me, I’ve realized that the only thing I can control is my response. In the words of the Roman Emperor, Marcus Aurelius:
“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
You will inevitably question the rationale behind your partner’s actions and wish for certain aspects of the past to be different. But once you focus on the present moment & the events within your control, you’ll realize that any arguments about the past are trivial as it’s something that can’t be changed.
For example, you might have had previous arguments with your partner about their impulsive spending habits. However, you can use this moment as an opportunity to mutually accept what’s happened, learn from previous mistakes, and move on.
So instead of looking back at the past, try to focus on creating a better future alongside your partner. As when you’re both no longer concerned by events that can’t be changed, it becomes much easier to focus on everything that can.
The Greatest Remedy For Anger Is Delay.
During the heat of an argument, it’s incredibly easy for you to say something impulsive that you may later regret. But if you want to improve your relationship, I’ve found that a great way to reduce tension is by temporarily holding back your negative emotions.
Research shows that people are likely to ignore any information that contradicts their opinion during an argument. Known as confirmation bias, this makes us ignore rational arguments & favor any information that supports our beliefs.
So instead of trying to prove that you have the correct point of view, take a moment to calm down so you can evaluate what you want to say without being aggravated by emotion. Cato the Younger said it best:
“I will begin to speak, when I have that to say which had not better be unsaid.”
Comparing Your Relationship Is Never A Good Idea.
If you’re constantly comparing your relationship to everyone else’s, you’ll probably develop unrealistic expectations as you want to achieve an impossible level of perfection.
However, it’s important to remember that many people portray a false reality on social media as they don’t want to share the negative aspects of their life.
So instead of comparing your relationship, become willing to do anything necessary to become a better partner towards your spouse. In the words of Ryan Holiday:
“Your potential, the absolute best you’re capable of — that’s the metric to measure yourself against.”
So every day, ask yourself: “What actions can I take right now to become more empathetic to my partner, and improve my relationship?”
That’s all you need to do.