Love Isn’t Enough For A Healthy Relationship

If you want to become a better partner, here’s what you need to do.

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Photo by Chermiti Mohamed on Unsplash

Do you ever find yourself wishing that your relationship could improve?

Arguments have become the new normal, sexual intimacy has disappeared from the bedroom, and you can’t help but wonder why you’re even together in the first place.

Sound familiar? The truth is that dissatisfaction in a relationship is a common problem that many couples face, but have no idea how to fix.

Of course, you could try going to couple’s therapy, or anywhere else, in an attempt to talk out your problems. But unless you’re both on the same page and willing to commit to a meaningful level of change, you’re never going to find an answer to your problems.

Instead, I’ve discovered that a better solution is applying emotional intelligence to every aspect of your relationship. As the Greek Philosopher, Epictetus once said:

“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”

When you listen intently to your partner, it’s easier to find common ground during an argument and create a path forward that works for both of you. So if you want to improve your relationship & become more intimate with your partner, here’s what you need to do.

Marcus Aurelius once said, “you have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” You cannot control the words or actions of other people. But the one thing you can control is how you interact with your partner during the relationship.

So instead of hoping that your partner will agree with you during an argument, take a moment to understand why you have opposing views, and you’ll discover that it’s easier to find a path forward.

Because once you begin to understand empathy, you'll realize that a lot of arguments could easily be avoided simply by understanding the viewpoint of another person. As Stephen Covey put it:

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

If you want to improve your relationship, you need to begin taking steps to understand the thoughts of your partner. Because when you’re empathetic to how they feel, it’s a lot easier to find common ground during an argument and avoid any conflict between you.

The stoics wrote excessively about the importance of kindness when trying to live a better life. After all, it’s impossible to have a healthy relationship if you’re always arguing or saying something that could make your partner feel insecure.

Without even realizing it, we often say things that harm the emotions of our partner, and consequently, create unnecessary tension within the relationship.

So if you want to begin strengthening every aspect of your relationship, taking a moment to think about what you say is a great place to start. In the words of Cato the Younger:

“I will begin to speak, when I have that to say which had not better be unsaid.”

A healthy relationship begins by knowing what to say to your partner, as well as what not to say. So if you carefully think about how your words may impact their emotions, you’ll discover that you’ll be in arguments much less frequently.

I’m going to leave you with a quote from Marcus Aurelius, who speaks about the importance of loving your partner with kindness & empathy:

Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.”

That’s all you need to do.

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