Breakups Don’t Have To Ruin Your Life
They’re an opportunity to get clear on your priorities
Breakups can be difficult. One day, you’re madly in love with someone, and the next day you’re in tears as the relationship shatters into pieces.
Am I right? The thought of your ex continually lingers in your mind as you try to forget the past.
But no matter how hard you try, memories remain forever trapped inside your mind.
All you want is move on and finally create the life you deserve after going through many, if not too many, painful relationships, which ultimately ended in heartbreak.
You want to forget your past relationships, and proceed in your life with unwavering confidence that would allow you to achieve anything you desire.
You want to find somebody to be with for the rest of your life, settle down, and perhaps get a cute house in the suburbs of your favorite city.
That would be nice. Wouldn’t it?
Listen, if you’re currently going through heartbreak and need some ways to numb the pain, it’s essential to do something about it.
But how do you apply relationship advice to your life? What do you need to do?
I have the answer. Below are several strategies that have helped me move on from past relationships and let go of the past to create a better future. Each one of them changed my life forever, and they might change yours, too.
Reflect On How You Feel
Everybody has different emotions after a breakup. Although you can talk to friends & family to help ease the pain, you’re the only person in the world who can understand the true extent of your heartbreak.
Find a piece of paper, open the notes app on your phone, or find anything that allows you to write down how you genuinely feel.
That’s step one.
The tricky part of the process comes when you have to write down your emotions and confront the negative dialogue inside your head that is preventing you from being happy again.
Although facing your emotions is difficult, it’s much easier than letting negative thoughts linger inside your head, slowly ripping apart your sense of self-worth.
For the longest time, being honest about my emotions was something I found to be painful. With each passing day, I fell deeper into an abyss of depression as I searched for an antidote to the intolerable pain caused by heartbreak.
No matter how hard I tried, I always felt like I wasn’t good enough, and had zero chance of being in a relationship again.
Everything felt lost.
But while scrolling mindlessly through YouTube, I came across a video from David Goggins, which changed the direction of my life forever. Whenever I have gone through heartbreak, pain, or any other kind of adversity, I always turn to these few words which he so eloquently spoke:
“Everybody comes to a point in their life when they want to quit. But it’s what you do at that moment that determines who you are.”
We often look at our circumstances and feel like the pain we are currently suffering is inescapable. The thought of not being able to love again prevents us from moving on, and thus forever traps us in eternal pain.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
Instead of allowing emotional heartbreak to consume your thoughts, try and use it as an opportunity to reflect on the person you’d like to be in the future.
For example, think about the qualities you want in a long-term partner and the type of relationship you desire.
Perhaps this is also what the Greek philosopher, Epictetus, meant when he said: “it’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”
You can’t control every circumstance that happens throughout your life. But if you realize that you have power over your reaction to every event, and use it to become a better person, your level of happiness shall change forever.
Put simply: Use heartbreak as an opportunity to get clear on your priorities.
How Do You Take Care Of Yourself?
Figure out what brings you a sense of fulfillment. Because if you’re able to become 1% happier each day by doing something you enjoy, the pain of the breakup shall fade. After all, it’s impossible to be upset & grateful at the same time.
If you’re looking for ideas on how to start, here’s some of my favorite methods of self-care:
- Try to be healthy. I’m not going to tell you to drink a broccoli smoothie or anything ridiculous. But be aware that eating loads of junk food may make you feel more depressed about the breakup. So enjoy what you eat, but be mindful of how it may affect your mood.
- Indulge yourself. Get a new haircut, buy some new clothes, or do whatever else you enjoy to inspire some self-confidence. This is the beginning of a new era in your life, so it’s an opportunity to transform your identity into whomever you want to be.
- Discover a new hobby. Now that you’re no longer in a relationship, it’s probable that you have a few extra hours per week to yourself. So why not use that time to practice doing something you love? Write a novel, learn a new language or anything else which you might find interesting. You’ll be amazed at how quickly you’re able to take your mind off things.
Remember that although you may not be able to control external events, you certainly have the power to choose your reaction to them.
I’m going to leave you with a quote from Viktor Frankl, who perfectly sums up what I’m trying to say:
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
So whenever you find yourself feeling heartbroken, ask yourself: “What can I do to become a little bit happier today?”
That’s the only thing that matters.