How To Ask Someone Out

Four strategies that you can use to improve your dating life.

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Photo by Morgan Lane on Unsplash

A few years ago, I was terrified of meeting new people. The truth is that I often let my anxiety get in the way of building a better life. Negative thoughts continually stayed my mind, and I found it incredibly difficult to create long-lasting relationships. That sucked.

But over the past couple of years, I’ve got into a relationship with my crush, become a lot more confident, and genuinely enjoy meeting new people. My entire life has changed for the better.

So if you want to do the same, here are several strategies that you can use to ask someone out. Each of these insights massively improved my dating life, and I’m sure they will do the same for you, too.

Take A Genuine Interest In What They Say.

I’m going to let you in on a secret that most people take a lifetime to realize. Having exciting conversations isn’t difficult. Because when you genuinely care about what people say, they’ll probably want to reciprocate.

The reason? A lot of people don’t listen intently during a conversation. They prefer to talk about themselves. So instead of caring about what the other person has to say, they spend all of their time coming up with a response. Quoting an article published by Harvard Business Review:

“It can be stated, with practically no qualification, that people, in general, do not know how to listen. They have ears that hear very well, but seldom have they acquired the necessary aural skills which would allow those ears to be used effectively for what is called listening.”

I like to ask open-ended questions during a conversation that will help me learn more about the other person. For example, I’ll ask about their favorite memories and books that had the greatest impact on their lives.

If you want to improve your dating life, let the other person speak. Take a genuine interest in what they have to say. It’ll become a lot easier to create a meaningful relationship as a result.

Find A Method Of Asking That Works For You.

Everyone has a different personality. So it’s important to remember that there’s no universal method of asking someone out that works for absolutely everyone. Instead, you need to experiment with a variety of methods, and do whatever works for you.

I prefer to be direct and ask if I can take someone out to a nice restaurant during the following weekend. But if that’s not your style, you could ask for their phone number (or social media handle) and build a rapport over several weeks before asking them out on a date.

The only wrong approach is one that makes you (or them) feel extremely insecure and uncomfortable.

Remember That Confidence Is The Key.

According to an article published by The Huffington Post, “confident people are noticeable. They stand out. They have a certain air about them that makes you want to get to know them. You want to know what makes them so self-assured. They’re intriguing, and we’re beguiled.”

Confidence is attractive. It shows the other person that you feel extremely comfortable with who you are. And obviously, having confidence in your ability to succeed makes the process of asking someone out much easier.

When I wanted to ask out my crush, I was nervous. However, I studied the habits of confident people to boost my self-esteem. For example, I improved my posture and ability to speak clearly, to make it look like I was extremely confident. And sure enough, the strategy worked.

So whenever you ask someone out, have genuine faith in your ability to succeed. Feel a sense of pride in who you are. Pay attention to your body language and what you say. The other person will definitely notice.

Reframe What Rejection Actually Means.

Look, I get it. Rejection can be heartbreaking. Some people may be polite and come up with an excuse as to why they can’t go out on a date. Others might be a little more blunt, and say they’re not interested. But don’t worry; rejection is actually a good thing.

Let me explain. They obviously weren’t the right person for you. Perhaps they didn’t feel an emotional connection. Or maybe it was just a case of bad timing. But regardless of the reason, their rejection saved you a lot of emotional pain and heartbreak in the future. The author, Mark Manson, said it best:

“Rather than see the world in terms of ranking and competition, choose to see the world in terms of compatibility and incompatibility. Then take it on as your job to find the compatibility.”

If you can implement the above strategies, you’ll find it much easier to ask someone out and massively improve your dating life. So what are you waiting for?

Start now.

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