How I Use Philosophy To Improve My Relationship

Honesty & empathy are essential qualities of a loving partner.

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Photo by Edward Cisneros on Unsplash

You want to be loved, desired, and live each day with gratitude, knowing that you have someone continually by your side. But for one reason or another, you’re worried that such a dream will never come to fruition.

Why? Every single one of us wants to fall in love & be with someone for the rest of our life. But the problem is that relationships can often be challenging, so you’re sometimes unsure how to express your love in a meaningful way that your partner will appreciate.

I’ve found that it’s pointless comparing your relationship to those of other people. So instead of wishing for what you don’t have, it’s vital to focus on becoming the best lover that your spouse could ever want. In the words of Ryan Holiday:

“Your potential, the absolute best you’re capable of — that’s the metric to measure yourself against.”

So below are a collection of ways that I’ve used philosophy to improve my relationship. Each one of them helped me to create an unbreakable bond with my partner, and I hope they do the same for you, too.

Marcus Aurelius says that “it’s silly to try to escape other people’s faults. Just try and escape your own.” Although you cannot control the lies & deception spoken by other people, you certainly have power over your ability to remain honest in any given situation.

So whenever you make a mistake, consider the impact of hiding your errors, and how such a move would tear down the foundation of trust that you both worked so hard to build.

I’m empathetic to the fact that you may be reluctant to admit to your mistakes. But regardless of the arguments that may happen, it’s likely that your partner will still respect you due to an unconditional commitment to honesty throughout the relationship.

As Marcus Aurelius writes in Meditations, “Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.” It’s easy to spend your day planning, researching, and figuring out how to be an emotionally intelligent partner. But nothing good will ever come of it until you begin practicing empathy, self-awareness, and other essential characteristics of a healthy relationship.

You can’t practice emotional intelligence if you’re continually arguing with your partner and refusing to listen to their opinion. Instead, it comes by listening to their point of view, understanding how they got to a specific conclusion and then respecting the fact that you have differing opinions.

It’s important to remember that you & your partner probably have different ways of communicating affection. For example, you may prefer receiving messages of affirmation to boost your confidence. At the same time, your partner may enjoy being taken out to a restaurant to feel special.

If you want to have a healthy relationship, practicing emotional intelligence Is vital, so you’re able to understand how each other is feeling in any situation.

In his book, the 7 habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey talks about why most people struggle to have meaningful conversations. He says: “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

So if you want to have better conversations, start by listening intently to what your partner is saying. Because when you’re showing interest in their point of view, you’ll notice that a more profound connection forms with your partner.

Even hundreds of years ago, the Persian poet, Rumi, spoke about the importance of listening to your partner in a relationship:

“Listen with ears of tolerance. See through the eyes of compassion. Speak with the language of love.”

Take a moment to consider how you can immediately become a better listener. Because if you’re not trying right now to strengthen your relationship, when will you?

Listening with empathy & respect is a great way to begin improving every aspect of your relationship. In the words of Epictetus: We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”

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