3 Dumb Mistakes People Make When Falling In Love
I used to think that falling in love was a lot like the movies. Two people meet, become attracted to each other, and then slowly build a relationship that lasts a lifetime. And while this is the romantic reality of most love movies, it almost never happens in real life.
For a lot of people, love is complicated as we’re emotional extremely creatures. But during the process of falling in love, we often make mistakes.
I’m no exception. I’ve screwed up more times than I can count. However, I recognize that the only way to improve my future is by learning from my mistakes. Rick Warren said it best:
“We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it.”
My friend, don’t judge yourself. After all, you’re just trying to navigate this difficult journey called life. But if you want to stop making mistakes in a relationship, there are several bad habits that you need to avoid.
Here they are.
Assuming Every Relationship Will Last Forever.
My first girlfriend and I talked about traveling the world, having kids, and being together for the rest of our lives. The truth is that I genuinely thought our relationship would last forever. So as you can imagine, I was absolutely heartbroken when I first went through a breakup.
That’s something that many people struggle to realize when they first fall in love. Let’s call it delusional optimism. They want to be in a relationship with their current partner until the day they die.
But although there are a few exceptions, that’s rarely how life works. After all, research published by the Washington Post suggests that it could take up to 121 dates to find the love of your life.
Recognize that everything will eventually come to an end. Sure, it would suck if your relationship was over in a couple of weeks. Or maybe, it could end in fifty years when one of you is lying on your deathbed holding the other’s hand as you slip away from this beautiful experience called life.
You can’t control external events. However, you can control what you do in the present moment to create a better future. Make the most of every moment with your partner, and do whatever you can to make them happy for as long as you’re together.
That’s all that matters.
Looking For The Wrong Type Of Person.
I used to make this mistake all the time. As a relatively quiet person, I always thought that I needed to be in a relationship with someone extremely extroverted to balance out certain aspects of my personality. That’s often a recipe for disaster.
Sure, opposites can attract. But it’s also important to know what you want in a partner. Because if you have nothing in common, any chances of a long-term relationship will quickly fade away. Quoting an article published by CBS News:
“Although sex is a binding force in a relationship, it’s not enough to stay together. Sex is only magnetic during the lusty infatuation stage that lasts on average from 18 to 36 months. After that, passion is no longer effortless, and a couple has to actually like each other in order for sex to feel truly satisfying.”
Don’t change yourself to please someone else. Find someone who shares a lot of your values. Fall in love with someone who makes you feel grateful and incredibly happy whenever you spend time together. Those are much better things to look for in a potential partner.
I prioritize honesty over everything else. After all, I feel like it’s much better to have a relationship built on trust instead of lies. Hence why I’ll always respect my partner’s ability to remain honest in any given situation. Warren Buffet said it best:
“Honesty is a very expensive gift. Don’t expect it from cheap people.”
Not Knowing How To Communicate.
A lot of people don’t know how to have a great conversation. Of course, they might hear what you say. But more often than not, they’re not listening. Instead, they’re just trying to come up with a response.
According to the Victoria State Government in Australia, “Communication allows you to explain to someone else what you are experiencing and what your needs are. The act of communicating not only helps to meet your needs, but it also helps you to be connected in your relationship.”
I used to get extremely nervous around other people as I was terrible at having conversations. I hated awkward moments of silence. But I’ve learned that when you take an interest in other people, they’ll naturally want to do the same with you.
Ask them open-ended questions that encourage interesting conversations about their life. For example, you could ask about their favorite memory or a specific subject they enjoy.
Stop talking about yourself during every conversation and pay attention to what the other person has to say. The quality of your relationship will massively improve as a result.
I’m going to leave you with a beautiful quote from Roy T. Bennett, who perfectly sums up what I’m trying to say:
“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.”